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24 Responses

  1. I worked with Cora, she was a beautiful lady. She worked so hard to better there life. Cora was an aid on a Special Education bus, she was good at what she did. Her little boy and her little girl where her life, she loved her kids so much and when she spoke of them her face lit up. Those of us who worked with her knew nothing about what he was doing to her. If she had just told someone that he was beating her we could have helped. Some of us look back and try to see if we saw any signs that he was hurting her. There were a few that he was jealous and controlling, but she never told anyone that he hit her. All I can say is that if you think someone is being hurt you need to step in because if you don’t they could end up like Cora. We miss you Cora and we love you!!!!

  2. I stoped talking to Jim about 3 years ago, He WAS a good friend till a bad bizness desition. I didnt see any signs that he was beating Cora. She was a good mom GOD be with her children and all who read.
    I’ve tried to find out more about Jim, he needs Gods mercy just like all of us. If anyone Knows about the trial and time he got please email jamiewhthd@yahoo.com

  3. Jim and Cora Watkins were former neighbors of mine. They were former housemates of my sons. We knew Jimi had problems, claimed to be bipolar. He claimed his sister Pam was a murderer. He never told us he had a brother. Jimi would keep a job for a few months, and then “something would happen” and he would be out looking for another job. I know, I got him 2 different jobs. I know that he and Cora had problems, she was tired of being the breadwinner in the family and always borrowing from his mother because he wouldn’t work. My son saw them the same day he killed her. Jimi took one look at my son, and actually growled at him. Jimi took great delight in causing problems in the neighborhood, talking about people behind their backs, and then making out like it was the other people talking about them when he talked to the people he had trashed. He caused problems in local restaurants when he thought that the clerk had paid more attention to another customer. He was insanely jelous of Cora. I never saw him hit her, but the verbal and emotional abuse were constant. She even left him once, and stayed with my family. I tried to talk her into staying with us, or going back to her family, but he had her brain washed against her parents. I pray for the children, and pray that he never sees Merry or little Jimi again. I wish the prosecutors would go out and talk to their former neighbors, we could really give them a lot of background on Jimi. One thing, he claimed to have been in the first Iraq invasion. He begged us not to talk to his mother about it when she was here on a visit. His mother told us he had never been in the military at all, he made the whole thing up. He took 5 or 6 hits of Acid, and was in a coma tripping for several months, and made up being in the military, made up being 1/2 native american, made up being born in Texas and having lived in Mississippi, made up his father changing the name from RedHawk to Watkins, all kinds of things. Maybe he has Munchhausers Syndrome. All I know is he is better off in jail where he can’t hurt anyone again. I just wish Cora had listened and went home, then she would still be alive.

  4. As odd as this may seem I was bored tonight and curious to know how Coralien was doing. (I was her first Husband from Oxnard from July 1994 – October 1996, however, we seperated in November 1995). I Googled her name and found a “Perpetual” on http://www.icanpray.com/id24.html. At first I wasn’t sure what to make of it but was convinced it could be no coincidence that it was her being that her brother (Eric M.R.) was listed right above her name (who had passed away when she was very young). After doing more research from the online Ventura County archives did I come to this article.

    We were only married for a little over 2 years. We married just soon after she turned 18 on July 8th 1994. I was 23 at the time.

    Little did I know that the person she would marry was a family friend of hers and remember meeting/seeing him at her family’s home soon after we seperated. He seemed rather odd at the time and had heard that she was dating him and she had called me up (before we officially signed for a divorce (April 1st 1996, which would be finalized sometime in October of 1996) to let me know how sorry she was that things didn’t work and wished they had..but that she had found someone knew. I must admit, even at the time, I had some strange vibes about him. But none to this degree. I had later found out from her mother that she had gotten married in 1997, I believe.

    This is truly devasting. The last time we were face to face was in early 1996. Naturally, it was not on the most friendliest of terms. The marriage did not end well. I had come to accept that we were both too young to be married, more so her than me. She had a mental breakdown and I had to have her commited to the county mental health crisis center in Ventura where she was diagnosed with having paranoid schizophrenia. I have sinced had an overwelming guilt of not sticking by her side throughout all of it during that time and must admit I was not the greatest companion she more than likely had expected of me to be. I have not married since nor have I gotten involved with anyone since then, in fact I’ve been quite a bit of a loner and still trying to figure out my own life and what to do with it. I remember telling her mother after we seperated that I would probably never forgive myself for treating her the way I had and what such a terrible spouse I turned out to be and for not helping her through her mental crisis. Anyhow, enough about my pathetic self. I am truly without any doubt devasted upon just reading about this. I hope that her children are in safe keepings. I believe it when I read from the previous blog posts that she truly loved and cared deeply for them and that whatever goals she had set for herself she kept to them firmly and without reservation. As of this post I have not read further on this, I can only hope that this man gets the judicial punishment which he truly deserves. Coralien and I had our fights but when it came down to it I knew the best decision even though it wasn’t the vows I had sworn to her ‘in sickness and in health’. A husband should know what is best for his wife, as well as for his children. This was not the answer for himself nor his family.

    I am planning on trying to get in contact with her family. The last time I was in contact with her mother was in 1998, I know then that they were not always on the best of terms but that she loved her children very much.

    This is all I have to say now on this matter. God Bless.

    Sincerely,
    M. B. Hil.

    12.17.08

  5. Today, February 4th, 2009, Matthew James Watkins was to go to court in Arapahoe County,Colorado for Cora’s murder, at 8:30am. Felony Class One Murder. Why he didn’t just plead guilty, and is forcing the tax payers to pay for a trial is ludacris. He admitted to killing her. I hope he is convicted and stays in jail for the rest of his life. I pray every day for the two angles she left behind. Her son “little Jimi” was born the same year as my grandson James, they used to play together. Cora was pregnent with Merri when my daughter was pregnant with my granddaughter, they used to play together as babies.
    I truely feel for her first husband. It wasn’t his fault. He had tried until Cora had her break down. I thing her second husband realized that she was vunerable and a little insecure. Matthew James Watkins could be quite convincing when he wanted to be. I don’t think he could stand Cora finally getting a clue about him and she was about to leave him. He needed someone to take care of him, because he wouldn’t take care of himself, wouldn’t hold a job very long at all.
    I just hope that the court does the right thing.

  6. 9/11/09 Matthew James Watkins is trying to make the courts believe he is crazy. He claims a breakdown while in the military. His mother told my family that he was never in the military. His next court date is 10/15/2009, 3:30 p.m. in the Arapahoe Co District Court on S Potomac. It will probably be another evaluation hearing to see if he is capable of standing trial.
    My opinion—He is crazy-like a fox. He may be bipolar, but he is great at manipulating people.
    I hope the courts sees thru his scam, and will deny the crazy idea, and send him to jail for the rest of his life!

  7. Just to set the record straight. The post from mhil is 3/4 BS. He also was abusive. She came home weighing 90 lbs and paranoid from what the doctors thought was too much hash. It took 3 months of therapy and meds to get her back to normal. Then she met the second Matthew. The kids have been adopted by family and seem to be doing very well. As we understood it, Matthew gave up on his plea of insanity after being found fit to stand trial and this Sept hearing was to enter a plea. I am waiting on word from the DA’s office on what went down. I have not been able to find any news articles on the net. Cora was a beautiful headstrong girl who we loved dearly. She always seemed to be at odds with us no matter what we tried to help her with always wanting to go her own way. At the end, her mom had her convinced to come home and she was making arrangements to do so. We hope this man never sees another free day for the rest of his life and we hope it’s a very long life.

  8. I agree with my dad (Mark) about what he said about everything stated above. Let me state what I was told and also for some parts witnessed.

    *My mom would bring her food because she did not have money to buy it. Matt would not let her eat it.

    *She was forced to take some form of drugs and that is why she went crazy. She was never skitzo. She simply had an entire mental breakdown and needed to get away from him.

    *Coras’ best friend stopped hanging out with her because she did not like the way that he was treating her and her allowing him to treat her.

    *When she was able to work, due to the drugs that she was forced to take, she would forget who she was and act really crazy as if she was someone else. Dual -personality, I guess you could say.

    * When she came home, all she did was sleep and it made me cry to see her so drugged up on prescription medications in order for her to eat and get well.

    *I tried the best I could to show Cora that I wanted to get along with her, but when she wanted to, and started to, she was slain. I guess it is true that you make your peace with your loved ones before you die. I wish she could have come around to me before she died.

  9. 3/4 BS Mark? I believe I stated I wasn’t exactly a role model husband and that I feel pretty awful on how I treated your daughter throughout our time together. I was a total d!ck but I never kept her from eating or told her she couldn’t eat and nor did I ever force Cora to smoke pot. Nothing I posted above is a fabrication, I believe I’m past the whole denial trip. I’m no longer that delusional punk you once knew way back, therefore, I’ve nothing here to hide. I am curious what 3/4 you say is rubbish, that is a rather vague and dodgy declarative statement. All this aside, I’m sorry for what has happened to you and your family. I hope you are all doing well. Take care.

    Mhil.

    I can be reached at mhil805@gmail.com if you wish to discuss this further. Thank you.

  10. I’m an old co-worker of Jim Watkins, we worked security together at the Wells Fargo Center building in downtown Denver. I guess I don’t check the news enough since I just found out about this now from another ex co-worker. While we were co-workers I became good friends with Jim to the point of getting acquainted with Cora and their two kids. It’s already been said about Jim claiming to be Native American and being a Marine. He talked about that at work all the time and no one believed him. Shortly after he stopped working with me, I too started feeling weird vibes from him that other co-workers had talked about the entire time. I know he asked one of the female co-workers that he got to know well about being a nanny for the kids.

    Enough about Jim though…it’s very unfortunate what has taken place and I wish the kids and relatives well as they struggle with the aftermath of what has taken place. Cora was a great woman. Jim had his problems and wrestled with his demons. While I was friends with Jim, I helped him overcome some of the things he wrestled with.

    I plan on making an appointment to go see Jim in the Arapahoe County Jail.

    If anyone wants to respond or contact me, please email me at hanging_loose@juno.com

    Jake Schafer

  11. I am also a friend of Jim’s. I met and got to know him here in Aurora, CO when he began visiting Metro Baptist Church off of Mississippi and Chambers. After talking for the first time, we really hit it off and became quick friends. I understand the whole odd “vibe” thing that many mention above, however I’ve encountered many similar people in my life, /especially/ in church, and I truly loved Jim despite his odd carriage.

    As Jim and I got to know each other, I found myself really enjoying our time together and many conversations about God. Jim, a relatively young Christian, intently asked many questions about God and the Bible, and it was exciting to see him grow in the Lord as we studied His Word together. Indeed, like what others mentioned above, in getting to know Jim I learned much about his demons. His very troubled past and experiences with the occult and Satanism were especially disturbing, but hearing of some of the things that he had done and experienced only encouraged me more to continue to reach out to Jim and be there for him.

    As time went on, I had the opportunity to meet and get to know Cora and their two adorable children as well. Rather young at the time, I can only assume that it was due to my youth that Cora was comfortable enough to maybe show a little less restraint when I was around – I can remember that _every single time_ I was in her company with Jim, she was unfortunately screaming and hollering at him. I remember one instance in particular during which Jim and I were on his office computer, looking up drdino.com (a creation science website with streaming videos of Dr. Kent Hovind’s seminars on Biblical creation): as we were watching the seminars, every few minutes Cora would yell at Jim and criticize him for continuing to “waste” his time with “church stuff.” It was quite apparent that she wasn’t happy about the time that he was spending in God’s Word and studying. It wasn’t too long after that particular incident that Jim unfortunately stopped bringing little Jimi and Merry with him to church. He intimated that Cora would no longer let him, though the children were begging to come (they especially loved the Patch the Pirate program). Eventually, Jim began to come less frequently as well. I would encourage him to stay faithful, but he felt so much pressure from Cora and was being so verbally abused every time he came that he was beginning to feel that it just wasn’t worth it any more. He was coming less to make her scream less… Apparently, Cora used to be Lutheran, but Jim did not enjoy her church, as he felt like some of its doctrine was contradictory to the Bible. He believed that his new interest in Metro Baptist Church and his enthusiasm toward it only further kindled Cora’s anger, and I feel that I personally witnessed this. But, my hands were tied. The only thing that I could do was pray with Jim and continue to encourage him. And then, I was off to Wisconsin. Sad as leaving was, Jim and I were at least able to e-mail each other back and forth sporadically, catching up here and there. Until…

    Jim e-mailed me Sunday, 01.20.2008, at 12:00 PM, 26 hours before he committed murder… He was catching up, telling me that he wasn’t working, wasn’t going to church, and that he was deeply depressed and struggling with Cora’s constant verbal abuse and his burgeoning thoughts of suicide. He said that he was ashamed that he had recently cursed God for putting Cora into his life, and said that he desperately missed Metro Baptist Church. He was remorseful, asking me how to apologize to God. Before I got the chance to respond however, it was Monday, 2:00 PM, 01.21.2008, and Jim had taken matters into his own hands…

    I’m horribly sorry to know that my friend Jim’s selfish actions have caused so much pain to so many people. In that single moment, when he lost control, when he lost his judgment, he ruined many lives. I have cried and grieved for Cora’s family. I have cried and grieved for those beautiful children. I have cried and grieved for Jim. I only hope and pray now that Jim does not turn his back and flee from God, fearing that God has turned His back on him. I sincerely hope that you all are seriously taking the time and praying for Jim, and for Jimi and Merry, and for Cora’s family.

    God bless, and keep praying.

  12. Walt:

    My family and I thank you for your prayers. Jimi and Merri are doing well. Merri only remembers her mama as “Cora” because she was too young when Jimi Sr. brutally murdered her. Jimi Jr. hates his father so much it can not be described. It seems almost evil how much he hates his father. Merri does not remember him much, she just knows that “Papa killed Mama” as Jimi Jr. stated to the police that gruesome night. I don’t blame Jimi Jr. . I want Jimi Sr. to burn in hell. I lost my brother at a young age due to asthma. Then I lost my sister and now I am all alone. How do think that made my parents feel? They have 1 out of 3 children living. Parents are supposed to pass before their kids. They feel ill toward this thought and so do I. They could have lost me because I was in an abusive relationship, too. But, I got wise just in time and he did not try to kill me. Thank the Lord!! I believe in God, Jesus, and the Virgin Mary. But, there are some thing that are to be unfogiven, like this. If this is a sin, I pray to God for forgiveness because I can not forgive Jimi Sr. , EVER!!!!!
    Cora was only frustrated with Jimi Sr. because since I have known him, he could not hold down a job. He would either quit or get fired. That left Cora, who could hold a job down, to work at least 2-3 jobs all at the same time. She went to online school for a degree in the Arts to make a better future for Jimi Jr. and Merri. She was going to come home. I, her sister, would have welcomed her with open arms. But, instead, she came home in a little brown box with two inquisitive children asking, “What’s in the box?” We did not tell them. How were they to react when they found out that it was their Mama. I never thought that I would be able to hold my sister in a small box. It is SSSSSSOOOOO depressing!
    I am a good person, but you must understand, he killed my last sibling. He also left Jimi Jr. and Merri without a Mama to tell them that everything is OK. We do not speak of Jimi Sr (Matthew) . . His name is a curse word in our family. The kids don’t even ask about him. If they do, we just change the subject. That is what they are in therapy for. They will be in therapy for the rest of their lives, too. They saw everything from start to end. Cora called out to Jimi Jr. as Jimi Sr. was stabbing her. She was desperately looking for help. Merri was histeracly crying. Their neighbor rused in and saved the kids. One in each arm. Steve, Thank You. Jimi Sr. seriously would have killed the kids, too.
    In closing, cherish all the good memories like I do and try not to remember the bad.

    Loving sister of Coralien and loving Aunt of Jimi Jr. and Merri.

  13. This will most likely be the only entry I will post on this site, being it’s a rough draft of the first thing I could come up with. I only ask, respectively, those whom are close to me not to respond to this directly on here, please. I realize this is not my usual progressive hand and has not been for many years.

    - Tinted Gaze -

    Remembering for a moment
    the moment we first glanced across
    the beginning of a another end.
    Who ever knew it would come to here; with
    a single tinted (hallow) gaze
    and finding those things we had long lost.

    I can still hear their birds ringing
    in your head and everything that was
    ever said about you and all that kept
    them from listening.

    You reminded me for several nights,
    how many times you were cursed; and
    I could only hold your shadow
    If only for better or for worse.

    Walking around for hours with you,
    searching for voices and the noises
    that haunted all your smiles.
    You took my fears by the hand
    with that incredible hesitation you held so near;
    You said we were moving closer
    and that someday I would do the same.

    ~ By MBH 4 CLR ~

    4 Coralien – “We The Poets” was a poetry group Cora and I created and were a part of briefly in VC with friends of that time.

  14. Well, I suppose “Tinted Gaze” isn’t the only one I’d like to post on here. This will be the first poetry project I’ve engaged in nearly over a year. Needless to say, this one takes both an intimate and difficult sensitive path, where the best and worst of me still walks. Nonetheless, I believe this is where I would have to start if I want to continue writing. Fortunately, at this juncture I have given life to nearly a dozen verses, some of which I would like to post here. The others will be compiled on a separate forum. All thanks to the Mod of this blog for allowing me to do so. In no way does this change what happened or didn’t happened during my short time with Coralien. The past is what it is and no amend(s) or thoughtful perspective will change it. This doesn’t change the person who I was then. That said, I thank you for your tolerance and understanding.

    - Via Marina –

    Stuck in shades, stuck in grey.
    The ride’s always been rough,
    no matter where the sun shines today.
    Take my hand and bittersweet love.

    Hang up the telephone,
    your absence remains silent.
    “I’m coming home,
    let the light speak sentimental.”

    Walk down the park, turn left,
    Hear us through the door.
    If you asked me to guess, I’d
    need not dream anymore.

    For all our clever disguises,
    there is only one forever
    where all things soon subside.

    “I’m coming home,
    may the light speak sentimental.”

    ~ By MBH 4 CLR ~ (Final Draft)

    4 Coralien

    Via Marina – 01.12.10
    Tinted Gaze – 01.08.10

    | Project Birdhouse (Tentatively titled) |

  15. “Quivers: A Life” written by Robin Quivers is a book Coralien read during the time we were married. She was very moved by it and felt a close relation to this author’s life for obvious reasons. I truly hold the conviction that this person’s life story as told in this autobiography would later have a positive impact on her own life after our marriage ended, if not during the latter half. The resemblances are profound to say the least.

    - Quivers -

    If I had to recall the dreams we had
    before we fell down the stairs
    and through the pool;
    I’d be reminded of every place
    and every word I could never say.
    The confusion on your face
    and the seasons that surrounded you.

    Take me back to when we were
    just children running through the church,
    crossing the presence of a butterfly,
    orange ribbons and candy canes.
    Those were the days we believed
    the storm would pass without a sign.

    One more empty box left to roam,
    I came upon your favorite film,
    the one where the sailor handed
    a stranger his last homemade capstan.
    Then I recalled the memories in your eyes;
    too heavy to lift, moving weightlessly
    through the northern silver strand

    and then there’s the snapshot
    of you playing six strings in the dark,
    you said, “These are the magnified
    bodies of my soul.”
    I am frightend of the kisses
    blown my way, but I think I can manage
    to draw my heart back on it’s feet.

    As for these pieces of you
    still roaming, still running around,
    pouring effortlessly from my fingertips;
    I am still waiting for the caravan
    to take us further apart from the
    lemon drops left behind.

    (I knew a poet, he was brave
    he wore a wild hat around his wrist,
    he had a look much like yours,
    bruised and swollen from the
    summer that got away….)

    ~ By MBH 4 CLR ~ (First Draft)

    4 Coralien

    01.19.10

    | Project Birdhouse |

  16. For Coralien:

    - 95 -

    We stayed up for winters with the radio on, bypassing ledgers,
    with plastic walls stretching out of insecurity, jumping
    higher in and out of tragic moderation.
    I took up adventure within your elaborate repetitions, briskly
    reaching out for the final hours to assert themselves in unions.
    Could it have been we were too young and too willing to
    escape the passions handed down to us?

    For some time now I’ve been waking up with my eyes
    stuck to the saltless cliches leveling the dinner table.
    It’s impossible to change the fortune in their tone, gestures
    of regret and last second atonements.

    In your memory I’m a crippled hero, stepping away
    from a rescued catalyst we found in an unmarked tomb,
    stepping out of borders, out of grace,;
    and out of your box of treasures.

    Scotch painted voices coded in binary tantrums,
    I never did stay long enough to ease the
    fever holding your knees down, and those
    nasty little hurricanes splitting your head.
    For all of these formidable ties and binds,
    I’m bound to your imagination, your refuge,
    and interruptions you usually had to disguise.
    There are no other places I’d rather rest in peace.

    ~ MBH 4 CLR ~ (1st Draft)

    4 Coralien

    01.23.10

    | Project Birdhouse | Verse #33 |

  17. You know I have followed this story from the start I do not know these people but I known someone who does, It sickens me that this man is trying to justify murdering his wife in front of his children and it sickens me that he is claiming that he has some sort of mental disease from the military when he never served, a true man owns what he does, a true man accepts that he screwed up.

    I pray for those babies everyday and for Cora’s family.

    Mathew you are a coward of the worst sort

  18. 4 Coralien:
    In spite of my uber disdain for radio friendly/mainsream/corporate music. I came upon this song some time ago which reminded me much of Coralien. I believe this is a cover of a Goo Goo Dolls song.

    = Goo Goo Dolls – Accoustic #3 =

    = Accousic #3 =

    They painted up your secrets
    With the lies they told you
    And the least they ever gave you
    Was the most you ever knew

    And I wonder where these dreams go
    When the world gets in your way
    What’s the point in all this screaming
    No one’s listening anyway

    Your voice is small and fading
    And you hide in here unknown
    And your mother loves your father
    ‘Cause she’s got nowhere to go

    And she wonders where these dreams go
    ‘Cause the world got in her way
    What’s the point in ever trying
    Nothing’s changing anyway

    They press their lips against you
    And you love the lies they say
    And I tried so hard to reach you
    But you’re falling anyway

    And you know I see right through you
    When the world gets in your way
    What’s the point in all the screaming
    You’re not listening anyway

    ~ By The Goo Goo Dolls

    | Project Birdhouse |

  19. For Coralien:

    - A2B -

    Soon after the curtains reigned over you,
    I soon enough began to realize what you
    were hearing was an indifference of perjury
    of history lessons you passed along to me;
    living on the second floor, cutting leashes
    one room at a time.
    Has any of this ever made much sense since
    the rock bottom of an ageless anatomy
    left me caved within the severences,
    denials and the dirty laundry
    scattered along a pierless shore.

    I’d like to call you by your favorite name,
    but I’ve been running out of choices and
    make believers who’ve been shrinking
    at the mercy of the formative years,
    that left you nursing broken coughs,
    too subtle for anyone to ever regain again.

    Between Grand Charles and the gradual
    circumstance of random consquence,
    I can still hear you tearing away
    at garlands growing around the
    ashes you’ve left behind for most of
    us to carry one moon at a time.

    And I can still hear the progression
    of windows you left open wide
    enough for the idiots who were far too
    clever to understand what you
    have always understood to be the
    end of everything you always wanted to be.

    And maybe we were all too blind
    and maybe we were all too far behind
    and maybe…

    and maybe I was too clever to mark
    the normal reasons scribbled above
    candleboxes resting at the tip of
    seismic relevence.
    And maybe this seperation will
    clear us of any desperation left
    after the rain passes far and away.

    ~ By MBH 4 CLR ~

    4 Coralien

    02.25.10

    | Project Birdhouse | Verse #34 |

  20. For Coralien L.R.

    - Harbor Rose –

    Well, here we stand apart from the lines
    that divided us from the very start,
    tucked deeply in iron clad flannel;
    plastered in plastic wallpaper trampled
    and stranded within trivial motivation.

    And then she asked, ” Where are we
    from here from where we were then?”
    He had yet to reply….

    The silence you kept inside,
    breaking bad, breaking loud,
    still shakes the embers sneaking
    up upon those hidden crescents
    shining brightly down.

    Most of these things, I realize
    mean as much as they did
    when we first met in the crossmall.
    You were so damn determined
    during those coffee breaks, acting
    surprised even when we were wrong.
    How you seemed so alive
    How you made me feel so high.

    (And she looks a lot like you today
    as you did yesterday.
    And she smiles the way
    you did when you secretly prayed
    for such things to rest awhile)

    I will always remember, dear
    what it means to never forget
    what remains to be forgotten.

    ~ By MBH ’4′ CLR

    For Coralien

    | Project Birdhouse | Verse #37 |

  21. For Coralien

    - Closures -

    Has the time arrived, has
    the air been cleared; where
    clouds have been lifted.
    Am I still alive
    with your memory near;
    (tinted and shifted) What
    a clever surprise, to still
    hear your voice gathering
    one hand after another.

    Standing alone in a crowded afternoon
    (Is it done) What a silly boy
    I must be who wants to believe
    this song and dance will lead me
    closer to a flow folding unknown.

    and there he goes again
    there she goes again
    and here we go again
    while everybody knows
    how this story is meant to end.

    There rests places I don’t want to write
    faces I don’t want near my side, words
    I don’t want to say; not tonight or any
    other corner which breathes a shallow light.

    (I will always remember, dear
    what it means to never forget
    what remains to be forgotten.)

    May all these things rest in time
    past and present, piece by piece.

    ~ Written By MBH 4 CLR ~

    08.06.10

    | Project Birdhouse | Verse #209 |

  22. 4 Coralien

    - Closures II -

    One by one
    Has it begun, at long
    last, to carry on
    without me
    without you
    without the marry(e)
    clouds raining about.

    (And so yeah) I don’t want to leave.
    I never thought… I never
    imagined this time would
    come again; where i’d run
    once more; closer to
    when we both could barely see
    that lazy November night.

    Speaking in familiar rymes
    only you can place together.
    It feels like meeting you for
    the first time over and again
    chasing some forever we heard
    between the fettering wheels;

    Midnight sounds an ink print;
    and the milk carton impressions
    of an early morning we could
    never break away from. You’ll
    ‘always’ be the one, the perfect
    wave storm (who) formed
    the stranger I am tonight and today.

    ~ Written By MBL & 4 CLR ~

    (This entry conlcudes “The Birdhouse Sessions” project)

    | The Birdhouse Sessions | Verse #377 | Property Of WTP & PIC |

    08.31.10 (02.15.94)

  23. Prison sentence update for Matthew:

    48 years to life. Currently he is in a mental institution for holding purposes until the next steps can be taken. He will be up for parole in 48 years. Basically, a life sentence. YAY!!!!

    That’s what he gets for killing my sister! I personally think that he should be killed in the same way he killed her. Not out of brutality, but it’s only fair. In that situation. Eye for an Eye!

    In memory of my sister: Coralien Lunde Rees
    (Rees: Maiden name)

    Understanding in Difficult Times

    The air that was recently indescribably heavy has given itself the face of weightlessness. I feel I can breathe again. Sadness and frustration still exists, but it does not clutter as it used to. For a moment I have peace of understanding.

    On Fathers’ Day of 2009, my niece and nephew were torn from our household. Emotions were escalated to an unforeseen level of intensity. From one white lie of a child and the money of a wealthy family of no relation to ours, the inevitable happened. The children that I used to sing to bed every night, play with everyday, and care for endlessly were no more to be seen. The family of the man whom murdered my sister in cold blood stole the pride and joy my family had to never return them home again.

    As trees wilt and leaves fall to their shallow graves, animosity towards my sisters’ murderers’ family grows daily. At the batting cages, I take turns pretending whom I am teaching a lesson for their heinous act of child theft; “him” or “her.” Their names are not mentioned very often because it only stirs up raw emotion. Which is why the batting cages are so convenient for emotional distress. So, I say, let “them” live their sinful lives, but I hope “they” do not drag the children to hell with them.

    A mothers’ love is unconditional. My sister will forevermore love her children and one day they will be together again. “She” is playing mother to my niece and nephew. The name “Mom” is being used to the wrong person. I have tried to correct the situation many times, but they have forgotten who their mother is. Who says that you get to play God and create a new mother for a child whom already has one? A child needs a mother figure, but if the mother figure is not the real mother she does not deserve to be named “Mom!” As long as a child knows that they are loved and will always be cared for they do not need that!

    Love should be unconditional, right? The day that my niece and nephew were ripped from their home our world cracked. But, for me, just like a bad break-up, time heals. A song that I used to sing to them was on the radio. It usually makes me cry. I did not even flinch or realize it was playing until it was almost over. Was this a sign? Do I not love them anymore like I used to? It feels like it. The feeling that you have about a third cousin that lives far enough away to only visit a few times a year; well, that is how I feel about my niece and nephew. I do not rush over to see them anymore when they are around. I am interested, but not completely interested. I know they will go away for a long time again. So, what is the use? There is none. My love for them has become pure “mutual family respect.” The respect of “If you have an opening in your schedule, you will go see them.” Otherwise, open the flood gates because here come the tears!

    My niece and nephew want to see me. There is one gigantic problem, though. They refer to their Aunt as “Mom.” I have tried to adjust to it, but I cannot. They only have one mother, whom is my sister! She will be the only mother they will ever have!

  24. I saw Jimi and Merri a few days ago. Now I am depressed. It is not that they are not living with my parents anymore, but they used my “Mom and Dad” a lot. I wanted to leave. I knew this was going to happen. I dearly want to tell Jimi Jr. how and why I feel that way (kid version, though) but I fear he won’t understand.I am happy I saw them, but miserable of the impact it has on me.

    For Bill and Joyce:
    Yes, I hate you for purchasing the kids off of us with your fancy, rich lawyers for no good reason but spite. But, I thank you for taking such good care of them with all your riches of money.
    Yes, I hate you for having them call you “Mom” and “Dad” because my sister is the ONLY MOM THEY WILL EVER HAVE! YOU DID NOT GIVE BIRTH TO THOSE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, I thank you for giving them the opportunity to not feel like they don’t have a “Mom” or “Dad.”
    I hope you see this because you wonder how I feel and why. If you see this you will know. I also request that you do not call me “Katie.” Only my family members call me that. I have no blood relation to you. No offense intended. This is the closest I come to talking to you both. Please understand how I feel.

    Maybe I am just talking to myself, but if so… venting feels great.

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